Monday, February 21, 2005

Tears and Healing

On a fun and interesting survey that Twila sent me a few weeks ago, a question on the survey asked 'when was the last time you cried?' My answer was that I couldn't remember, but it had to be within the last 4 years.
I have a new answer now. It was 2 minutes ago.
Why? My brother, Doug. He has such anger in him, such unforgiveness. As a result he lashed out at me, and hung up on me. In the process of getting Mom & Dad to think about selling the farm, and settling in town, I apparently approached it in less than, per Doug, a good way. My intent was to let Mom and Dad make their own decisions, and not to rush them, or push them into anything, but to get the ball rolling. In doing so, I made, per Doug, he and Tony angry.
This caused discord between Mom and I, and I ended up letting the siblings in Kansas know that I wouldn't be able to help with the process, as I felt it was best for me, being in Colorado, not to be involved. In that discord with Mom, I did something that was wrong, and hung up on her. I do not make it a practice to hang up on anyone, and I think the only other time I have was with Robert. I was convicted a few hours after that, and called her to ask her forgiveness, and we actually became closer after we resolved this.
However, Mom made the mistake of telling Doug, and he, aparently, is furious with me.
Doug and I were, at one time, very close, but after my divorce with Edward (which he held against me for years), we lost that closeness.
I have reached out to him over the years, and that is why I called him this morning, because I do love him.
That is why it hurt so much to realize that I had done something that.

After a while, Doug called back, and we were able to talk about it, and a lot of healing occurred.

Would it have occurred it I had not been able to cry?

I have to tell you that in my heart, I don't think so.


Blogger Twyla said...

Wow. Quite an experience. Isn't it true that sometimes our closest friends and family can hurt us the easiest. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm impressed with three things, though. 1) you recognized Doug's reaction as not having to do with you, but with his own pain. That is big. 2) you were honest about your own mistakes. That is hard. 3) you took quick steps to resolve mistakes you made.

Most of all, though, I appreciate your insight about the connection between the release of your tears and the resolution of relational issues. Wonderful.

2:30 PM  

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