Thursday, February 10, 2005

Addiction's Grip

People who have never had an addiction can not possibly fathom the terrible grip that it has on you. I still get angry when I hear people refer to addicts as weak, and recovering addicts as having only to use 'will power' to stop. If that were true, no one would be addicted, would they? What is addiction, mine, about? CONTROL, no getting around it, and FEAR of letting go and letting God, and fear of TRUSTING that I can survive without the addiction, and DOUBT that I can ever be normal. Yes, the grip may loosen, as mine has, but I have allowed to exist still, knowing that I don't need it, as change and stepping out on faith are so incredibly hard for human beings, especially me.

I am tired of having this secret, tired of being a freak, and tired of knowing that, until I break this grip, I will never be able to be a normal relationship.

Pray, pray, pray for me.


Blogger Twyla said...

I so agree about people who are critical about the struggles others go through. Probably those very people have undealt with junk and are making lots of noise to keep themselves in the dark about their own addictions and issues.

I can see where control would be the biggest bully in the school yard. It probably had a lot to do with the problem starting in the first place. Just having some part of life that feels like its under our own control.

I'm so proud of you for opening up like you have about this. That helps so much to drain the power of the problem. But I also know the journey is long and will take diligence, perseverence and faith. Faith that you were created for more than that. That you are a miracle, a wonder and a joy. That you are not only GOING to be normal, but you are well down the road already. Trust me, Laura, your best days are ahead.

It's a true saying that you can't create a new life without destroying the one you've got. You are in the painful but necessary process of tearing down the old so that the new can be built up. God is with you. Read Isaiah 57:14-15. It's talking about you.

6:20 PM  

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