Thursday, September 30, 2004

Baby Steps

Praise God! I want to shout it from the top of a mountain! 'That which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger' - my mantra throughout my life. I thank God and praise him for the thorn in my flesh, as through it, I am learning to rely 100% on him, and my faith is becoming deeper.

Easy? No. Enjoyable? Absolutely not. This is how God made me, and God does not make mistakes. So praise him! Each achievement, each tiny healing, is a baby step. With each step I am becoming more like Christ, and I can serve him better. Thirty eight (soon to be thirty nine!) years - wasted? Never! This was God's plan for my life. He knew that I would be sitting here, right now, posting this blog.

Thank you, Father, for always being there for me, never giving up, and loving me unconditionally. Help me to be worthy of your love, and may your will, not mine, be done in my life.

So the journey continues, and I can't wait to see what he has in store for me!!!!!!

Friday, September 17, 2004

To Be Or Not To Be - A Daddy?

On the way to work today, listening, as I always do on the way to work, to KRKS, the Christ based talk radio station here in Denver, it hit me again. They were speaking of family values, and emphasized that the family unit, as God created and intended it was for children to have a Mother and Father. When I hear the word Daddy, or someone talk about their children's father, my heart aches for my precious children, who don't have a father. Oh, how I long for them to have a Godly father, one who loves God and Christ first, their mommy (me) second, and them third. He would have to love them just as if they were his own flesh and blood, and have a deep and abiding commitment to them. I pray, that if it is God's will, that they will have one.
If, however, this isn't in God's plan for us, we are, and will remain a strong, Christ based family. The children have only known me, and therefore don't have the disadvantage of having had a Daddy and then not having one. There is so much love between the 3 of us, for each other, for God, for our family, and for our Church family - who could ask for more? I have made it my mission to give them all the love and non-materialistic strengths that I can. They are my miracles, and I praise God every day for entrusting them to my care.
So, if my Father, God, plans a Daddy for my precious R&R, then so be it. If not, we will live happily ever after, now, and in Heaven!

Monday, September 13, 2004

There's No Place Like Home...........

We are back from Kansas, after the best visit we have ever had there. God is so good, isn’t he? Mavis was extremely generous enough to fly to Denver just to drive back with us (okay, so she, like Lucy and John have doubts about my driving – oh, well) – just kidding. What a blessing that was! The trip went really fast, and, as I was falling asleep during the first 2 hours that I drove, Mavis ended up doing almost all the driving. We got to listen to a book on tape, by Sue Grafton (neither of us were too impressed) and got to talk a lot. Mavis is such a tremendously giving person, and has a great sense of humor – I really enjoy being with her.
We got to Topeka at about 9:30 p.m., and Doug and Mavis had invited us to spend the night at their house. It was the best nights sleep that I have had since I can’t remember when. Doug and Mavis went way above and beyond to make us feel at home, and we were treated better than any 5 star hotel could have treated us! Richard woke up and said ‘Mommy, I love Uncle Doug and Aunt Mavis’ house.’ Of course they were both thrilled when they saw Mavis at the Airport and Doug at his house. Let’s face it – Buffy, Willie, and Teacher were showered with more attention and love from R&R than they cared for – R&R are crazy about those dogs! Mommy, however, is afraid of dogs (sad, but true.)
Richard, Romelia and I drove to Mom and Dad’s Saturday at 1 p.m. We spent the afternoon unpacking and being in town with Mom. That night we had the best visit we have ever had with Eric and Lori, who graciously let me invite us to have supper with them. What a delicious meal we had, and a wonderful time to boot! We couldn’t leave before Aunt Lori read R&R a goodnight story, and before Uncle Eric played cars with Richard. When Eric fell asleep during the story, I figured it was time to go!
We went to church with Mom and Dad on Sunday, and had a great service. We spent the rest of the day being together and running to town (for our daily coffee!) Mom and I were regulars at Trails Café’! On Monday we spent the day with Mom and went to Sheila and Steve’s (yes, yes, I invited us there, too – I wonder where I got that boldness from, Dad?) Hands down it was the best visit we have ever had with Sheila and Steve – very relaxing, and R&R got to go nuts in Jade’s toy room. After Steve got home, we all went out to feed the kitties, then to see Sadie, their horse, then to feed the catfish (that was so COOL!) As if that wasn’t enough, Richard got to ride with Uncle Steve in their paddleboat (Princess Romelia decided she was a bit too fatigued for that). He had a blast! To top it off, they got to play on Jade’s swing set. What a beautiful and peaceful farm Sheila and Steve have – well deserved!
On Tuesday evening we drove to Topeka and went swimming with Doug, Mavis, and Martha, then had pizza and veggies outside – it was so nice! We spent the night at the Doug and Mavis 5 Star Hotel again (no, I didn’t invite myself, this one was actually Doug’s idea!) We then spent Wednesday morning at Gage Park, going to the Rose Garden, playing on the playground equipment, riding the carousel and train, and going to the zoo. It was a lot of fun, and so wonderful of Doug and Mavis to take the day off to be with us. We got back to Mom and Dad’s at about 2 p.m., and spent time doing things around the house until Mom got home from the nursing home services. Thursday we spent together, visiting Mom’s friends and being together.
On Friday, Tony came to Mom and Dad’s, and, again, it was the single best visit we have ever had with Tony. It was so great of him to drive there to spend time with us. He was able to stay until Sunday afternoon, which was great. On Saturday we spent the morning at home, then visited Bertha and Floyd, Mom and Dad’s friends – what great people they are! Our trip was filled with lots sharing, talking, visiting Mom’s friends, going for coffee, and lots of love and attention. I also got to talk a lot with Angie and Tim while I was there – wonderful heart to heart talks.
I was extremely spoiled with fresh vegetables from Bertha and Floyd, Mom and Dad’s friends (the BEST zucchini, cucumbers, and tomatoes I have ever had!) We ended up leaving on Monday morning, with plenty of time to get back and unpack and rest before work on Tuesday. I praise God for our safe trip and all the healing and restoration that happened. He is AWESOME, isn’t he?

Friday, September 10, 2004

My Journey Has Begun

Since returning from a truly wonderful vacation (my first for this year) with my family, I have felt lost in my career. Where am I going? Why has the love and drive I once had disappeared? Is God preparing my heart for something different, or am I merely making excuses as to why I am not producing how I should? Strangely, my ministry at work has never been stronger, and all other areas of my life are flourishing. I feel like a leaf being blown about by the wind - going somewhere, but I don't know where or why - it seems purposeless. Father God, guide me, and, if this is simply a way to duck my responsibilities, please speak to me. Help me, Father!